About Just - Mediate
At JUST MEDIATE we are passionate about the strife, controversy, and conflict that YOU are challenged and faced with. We are not only academical to YOUR challenges, but we are also passionate and share your emotion. PASSIONATE?? – Yes, passionate to walk by YOUR side, having occupied the driver’s seat of conflict and exhaustion of the emotional battle to the extent of bearing the battle scars of the war – whether it be: Divorce, Maintenance, Protection orders, Labour matters, Civil matters, Criminal matters, Access to your loved ones, only to mention a few of the conflicts which exploded after an unwanted and unforeseen circumstance. We understand YOUR frustration, not to mention the financial constraints which were not budgeted for!! Allow JUST MEDIATE and our affiliated, skilled, INTERNATIONALLY ACCREDITED (ADR REGISTER) consultants to take YOUR hand and FACILITATE the best, cost-effective solution for YOUR current conflict, and allow us to “walk the walk” of a liberated burden that’s weighing YOU down.
One of the main reasons for the distress suffered by children when parents’ divorce is that children are usually placed in the custody of one parent and cut off from the non-custodial parent. The parent who has custody may deliberately alienate the other parent so that the children cannot have a meaningful relationship with him or her. The list below describes some of the signs and symptoms of alienating behavior. If you recognize them in your ex-spouse’s behavior, or in your own, or in the behavior of a parent you are trying to help, you need to review what is being done or said, in all instances in the paramount interest of the children.
Signs of alienating behavior
- Inviting children to make choices about visitation or access — when in reality they have no choice;
- Telling a child ‘everything’ about the marital relationship or reasons for the divorce — this is destructive and painful for the child;
- Refusing to recognize that the children have property and may want to transport their possessions between residences;
- Refusing to allow the other parent access to school or medical records;
- Blaming the other parent for financial problems, the breakdown of the family;
- Scheduling activities with the child in the other parent’s access time;
- Raising the question of changing the child’s name, or suggesting an adoption;
- Reacting with sadness when the child relates a good story about their visit with the other parent;
- Asking the child personal questions about the other parent’s life;
- Physically or psychologically ‘rescuing’ the child from the other parent when there is no threat to their safety;
- Listening in to the child’s conversations with the other parent, and sometimes refusing to allow the other parent telephonic access.
A child who is exposed to continual criticism or dismissal of one of their parents and is made to feel guilty for wanting to have a relationship with that parent may reach the point where s/he is unable to remember anything good about the parent, or feels angry at one parent without being able to say why.
JUST – MEDIATE works with many alienated parents. Some have simply given up trying to see their children after spending hundreds of thousands of rands — they choose to walk away and hope that one day the child will come to look for them. JUST – MEDIATE aims to protect children by reducing the risk of parental alienation. It does this through mediation and through family support groups. It helps parents learn different ways to communicate with their ex-partners, how to handle conflict and how to communicate with their children. JUST – MEDIATE has discovered very specific ways to help combat alienation and has made some progress.
Support groups operate in GAUTENG. The JUST – MEDIATE network now includes more than 30 men and women from all walks of life. Many of these are active members of the support groups, some, including journalists, are interested in receiving information on JUST – MEDIATE’S activities and others are members of overseas organizations working on similar issues. JUST – MEDIATE has worked hard to create awareness among the legal fraternity of the plight of children in divorce; it advocates around issues related to joint custody, the suitability of fathers as custodial parents and related issues. Trained and accredited members of JUST – MEDIATE provide divorce mediation services.
JUST – MEDIATE encourages parents to mediate rather than litigate and its experience has revealed much about what works and what does not. Its achievements include:
- Getting mediation accepted as a way of dealing with family disputes;
- Networking locally;
- Working with other organizations to promote the interests of children who go through divorce.
Although JUST – MEDIATE interests are primarily family-focused, it assists parents, both men and women, who wish to play a positive role in their children’s lives.
The Fatherhood Project has provided a golden opportunity to create awareness among men about what being a Dad means in different cultures.